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freepressed.com - Latest News [Page 3]
Satire: Shocker Of An Election, GOP Clenches South
Thursday, 13 November 2003, 11:50 am | freepressed.com
Dixieland-- The country was in a state of shock Wednesday morning after learning that the GOP had pulled off two stunning Gubernatorial victories in states that heavily voted for George W. Bush in the 2000 election. More >>
Satire: DLC Says Only Bush Can Defeat Bush In 2004
Thursday, 6 November 2003, 7:16 am | freepressed.com
Washington, D.C.-- The Democratic Leadership Council (DLC), the conservative wing of the Democratic Party, has decided that the best person to run against President George W. Bush in the 2004 election is…George W. Bush. More >>
White House Sued For Stealing Humorists' Material
Wednesday, 5 November 2003, 11:03 am | freepressed.com
Washington, D.C.-- Writers of political satire are scornfully mocking a cynical attempt by the Bush administration to co-opt irony and satire for its evil ends. More >>
freepressed.com: Special Report - Bush Down Under
Wednesday, 29 October 2003, 10:30 am | freepressed.com
Canberra, Australia-- An unprecedented and massive security operation was mounted to protect President George Bush from evil doers when he visited Australia last week. More >>
Wolfowitz Says Attack Proves Iraqis Want Freedom
Tuesday, 28 October 2003, 7:50 am | freepressed.com
Deputy Secretary of Defense says US won't be deterred by attack, but that he's getting the f*** out of Baghdad. More >>
US & Israel Square Off In Occupations Death Match
Thursday, 23 October 2003, 9:43 am | freepressed.com
Gaza/Baghdad-- The first annual 'Dueling Occupations' grudge match between the United States and Israel took place over the weekend with the scrappy, young American team surprising the more experienced Israeli occupation force. More >>
Free Speech Zone Established In Remote Location
Wednesday, 22 October 2003, 10:33 am | freepressed.com
Liberal, KS. -- Freedom just got a whole lot freer. That's the message from Congress after overwhelmingly passing legislation that established a national free speech zone outside of Liberal, Kansas. More >>
Bush Investigates The Mysterious White House Leak
Wednesday, 15 October 2003, 11:24 am | freepressed.com
White House-- Donning a battered fedora and a worn raincoat, President Bush announced that he has decided to investigate the ‘mysterious’ White House leak, which led to the outing of undercover CIA agent Valeria Plame. More >>
'Dittoheads' Dead After Overdosing On Oxycontin
Monday, 13 October 2003, 10:28 am | freepressed.com
Nationwide-- In a tragic, unexpected consequence of Rush Limbaugh's admission on Friday that he is addicted to pain pills and has been for the last five years, 47 Rush Limbaugh fans, self-described "Dittoheads," have overdosed on Limbaugh's drug ... More >>
Ashcroft To White House: "We're Still Buds, Right?
Wednesday, 8 October 2003, 12:27 am | freepressed.com
Washington, D.C.-- Worried that the Justice Department's investigation of the White House will jeopordize his status in the Bush administration's self-described "cabal," Attorney General John Ashcroft is trying to distance himself from the widening "Leakgate" ... More >>
Limbaugh Uses Himself As Example Of Moral Decay
Tuesday, 7 October 2003, 9:23 am | freepressed.com
Palm Beach --Citing his reckless and illegal use of prescription drugs, Rush Limbaugh lambasted liberals for causing the moral decay of the country by refusing to take responsibility for their actions. More >>
Congress Inquiry Finds That Cheney Is A Sleazeball
Wednesday, 1 October 2003, 12:07 am | freepressed.com
Undisclosed Location --Vice-President Dick ‘Big Time’ Cheney has come under intense scrutiny for his ballsy out and out assertion on "Meet the Press" that he had no financial interest in Halliburton, the company that he ran from 1995-2000. More >>
Bush Claims To Have Come Up With A Good Idea
Tuesday, 30 September 2003, 11:13 am | freepressed.com
Wahington, D.C .--In response to challenges from France and other nations to relinquish political power to the UN and set a timeline leading to elections in Iraq, Bush simply reworded the request and passed it off as his own idea while in discussions last ... More >>
Bush Informs Nations Of The World "You're Next"
Thursday, 25 September 2003, 11:32 am | freepressed.com
New York, NY --Referencing his Sept. 2001 dictum that nations of the world are either "with us or against us" in the war on terrorism, President Bush noted that the UN was "clearly not with us during Operation Iraqi Freedom." More >>
WMD Report Delayed Until There Are WMD's To Report
Wednesday, 24 September 2003, 10:33 am | freepressed.com
Baghdad --Fighting against time to come up with something to include in his status report regarding his search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, David Kay is taking the extraordinary step of ordering chemical, biological and nuclear weapons ... More >>
Rumsfeld Admits Downside To Shooting Iraqi Police
Monday, 22 September 2003, 12:47 am | freepressed.com
Rumsfeld admits it will be harder to recruit Iraqi policemen if the Army keeps killing them - US military opens investigation to determine what Iraqi policemen did to get themselves shot. More >>
"Return Of The Taliban" Panned By Film Critics
Monday, 15 September 2003, 12:34 am | freepressed.com
Pakistan/Afghanistan? --The much anticipated third video in the popular terrorism series starring Islamic fundamentalist icon and cold-blooded murderer Osama bin Laden has met with jeers from critics even while enjoying broad appeal in target markets. More >>
UN Inspectors Uncover No WMD's In Iraq Speech
Thursday, 11 September 2003, 9:31 am | freepressed.com
Washington D.C.-- Despite an intense effort to recover notes outlining the administration’s indisputable proof of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, President Bush was unable to find them in time for his speech to the nation and the world Sunday. More >>
FOX Viewers Mistakenly Buy New Al Franken Book
Monday, 1 September 2003, 2:02 pm | freepressed.com
New York--Preliminary sales figures and exit interviews at area book stores over the past week indicate that millions of FOX News viewers are too stupid to realize Al Franken's new book is mocking them. More >>
Bush Blames Nation's Wildlife For Eastern Blackout
Friday, 22 August 2003, 9:59 am | freepressed.com
ANWR, AK. --Gail Norton, the controversial head of the department of the interior, is leading a crack team of Navy SEALs with animal experts Jack Hanna and the Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, into Alaska to track down a rogue band of animals that the Bush ... More >>
